We all knew this day would come. We all knew that one day, Instagram would make its way to Android devices. That day is today. With already more than 30 million users, Systrom, the app’s developer, is poised for exponential growth now that it has created an app for android users.
If you’re an Instagram addict like me, you’re probably expecting a few new friend adds from folks on Android … and if you’re as easily annoyed as I am, you’re probably hoping these new users aren’t going to go crazy, filling up your timeline with stuff that doesn’t really belong on the growing social network.
To avoid this quagmire, I’ve created the following list of basic rules for all our new Android friends- and a few our old friends who never got the memo. Please share this with anyone you know on Instagram so that all of our experiences can be that much better.
Rule # 10 — Throwback Pics get posted on Thursday and Thursday Only!
Look, we know you have lots of old pics of yourself that you think are absolutely stunning. And we know you wanna share those pics with your new-found Instagram friends. However, those of us who have known you for ages, and have seen all these pictures of Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Friendster and Blackplanet – we’re not interested in seeing them again. Especially 8 in a row … on a Monday when we’re trying to scroll our InstaTimeLine and see what folks got into this past weekend. We call it ThrowBackThursday for a reason.
Rule #9 — Instagram is not Pinterest
Please don’t pin stuff on Instagram. By that I mean, please don’t save a picture of something you saw on the internet to your laptop, email the picture to yourself so that you can pull the picture up on your phone so that you can then add it to Instagram. Again, this is not Pinterest. Nobody wants to see a filtered pic of the tea cups they have on Gilt-Home today.
Rule #8 — Don’t Steal Pics
There are a growing number of pic thieves on Instagram these days. Sometimes pic thieves screen shot pics of stuff other people have instgrammed only to re-instagram it and re-share. We see you, it’s not cool. Another way folks steal pics is by simply recreating the picture for themselves. If you see a girl take a really cute, angled picture of her fresh new pedicure as her feet rest comfortably on her coffee table next to her almost finished, hard cover copy of the Hunger Games, don’t kick off your shoes, grab your copy of Game of Thrones, throw your feet up on the couch and start snapping away. It’s not cool.
Rule #7 — Don’t Be a Like Whore
Look, if you like everything, you like nothing. Every single time you make a new Insta-Friend, you don’t have to go to their page and like every single picture. It’s weird, stalkerish and mildly skeevy. Like most Instagrammers, when I make a new friend, I do go to their page and I do scroll through their old pics, however liking more than one or two of their old pics sends the wrong message. Pick the best two pictures from their catalog, like those and keep it moving. Also – fellas, please note… the “like” button on Instagram is a heart, so you know … be wise about that. You don’t wanna send the wrong message. Or maybe you do, if that’s the case … like away!
Rule # 6 — #TeamFollowBack Does Not Apply to Instagram
You wanna know when Twitter became wack … when #TeamFollowBack took over. Nowadays, if someone follows you on twitter and you don’t follow back in 23 hours and 59 minutes, they’re unfollowing you. This creates this unspoken stress about twitter. It’s almost like a chore at this point. It also means, you have to deny requests of strangers because you never know if they are following you to follow you, or following you to arbitrarily increase the number of twitter followers they have. From this day forth – #TeamFollowBack does not exist on instagram. As a matter of fact, follower to following ratio doesn’t even matter on instagram. Just enjoy it. Don’t start over-thinking it.
Rule #5 — Don’t Be A Perv
Instagram has this thing called a time line. It works similar to Facebook’s time line where you can see everything your friends have liked and shared. So fellas, if you go around to the accounts of every SI swimsuit model and video vixen you can find and like their most scandalous pictures, all of your Insta-peeps will know. Again, use the like button wisely. Ladies, you’re not exempt either. Don’t be a thirst bucket. If you comment on the same dude’s pics every single time he posts – three seconds after he posts. We’re all gonna know and we’re all gonna judge. Instagram is still relatively young and doesn’t really have advanced settings where you can manage what your friends see and don’t see. If you do something on instagram assume someone else can see it. Keep that in mind.
Rule #4 — Stop Setting Thirst Traps
O.k. bro – we know you put in your work at the gym, no need to post a pic of you all sweaty post work out with statement like “Almost got my abs where I want them to be. How do they look?” attached. It’s super lame dude. Ladies, don’t post a pic you reading a book, in your bed, with nothing but a big -t shirt on with every inch of thigh you have showing with “Anyone else read this… sooo good!” attached. We know, you want us to comment on your thighs. We get it.
Rule # 3 – Easy on the TweeGrams – You’re Not That Deep
There’s nothing worse than checking your Instagram and finding 50-11 tweegrams of folks spewing their fake-deep dogma. We all know the serenity prayer, no need to tweegram the whole damn thing. And definitely don’t put your tweegram in quotation marks and then attribute said quote to yourself. If you do that, I will unfollow you on the spot.
“Love is like air, you can never really touch it, but you breathe it everyday” ~ Me
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You ain’t deep.
Rule # 2: Don’t Stop Life for Instagram or Create Life on Instagram
Life’s greatest moments and memories become more and more beautiful the further removed we become from them. The girl you used to date in college becomes the most beautiful woman on Earth when you’re reminiscing at your 10 year reunion. The view of the New York City skyline that night you strolled the Brooklyn Promenade becomes more amazing when you’re remembering it years later. That’s the beauty of instagram, it allows you to enhance an image so that it’s beauty matches the beauty of the memory in your mind. Still though, there’s a fine line between capturing a moment and creating a moment. Don’t create moments for Instagram. Don’t stop your life and its innate spontaneity so that you can show your insta-friends how awesome you are. Keep it real.
Rule #1: Stop Taking That Same Damn Picture of Your Face Over and Over!
Self explanatory. If we become insta-friends and I find that 50% of your pictures are of your face with your chin pointed down to the right showing off your good side with the same little, half sexy, half cute, half innocent smile, I’m unfollowing immediately. It’s super annoying and I’m going to assume there’s something off about your self-esteem.