Let’s be honest, for most of us, a great deal of time and energy is spent trying to make ourselves attractive to the opposite sex. Sure, we are who we are, we like what we like and most times, attractiveness is born out of the chemistry created when two individual’s je nes se quoi gets a chance to meet and greet. By now I’m sure we all know the important qualities we should be looking for in potential mates, we know the deal-breakers. In today’s post, I want to talk about things we all notice that aren’t really that important, but can go a long way toward separating the best from the rest.
5. Good Shoes (Fellas)
Any discerning woman will tell you: you can always tell by the shoes. So much of who a person is comes out in what they put on their feet when they leave the house. Fellas, there are basically three aspects to making sure your shoe game is up to par.
I. The first is quality. Back in high school, and for some, even in college, we only wore suits a couple times a year so it wasn’t really necessary to buy expensive shoes. As adults, it’s imperative. I’m not saying you have to break your bank, but you need to make sure you’re buying shoes that are going to last. It’s easy to tell a pair of cheap shoes. The leather is flimsy, the laces are like cardboard, and the souls leave rubber marks all over people’s floors. Don’t be that guy.
II. The second thing to look for when buying shoes is style. I could talk a whole lot about this but, in the interest of time, just a few quick points:
a) Match your shoes to your suit. Without exception, you wear black shoes with a black suit and brown shoes with a blue suit. Navy and black don’t match – ever. Grays can kind of go either way if you pull it off right.
b) Unless you’re a pimp, like, a real one, animal prints or faux animal prints are not acceptable and patent leather is only acceptable if you’re wearing a tuxedo.
c) Laces are your friend. If you’re a shoe buying novice, stick with shoes with laces when buying shoes to go with your suit. Some fashion forward folks know how to make laceless shoes look really good with a suit, but, most folks fail miserably. You can’t go wrong with laces.
III. Finally, the last thing to be cognizant of as it relates to your shoes is their upkeep. If you’ve spent a pretty penny on some good shoes that go perfectly with your various suits, you want to keep them looking clean. Get to know the shoe shine man on your way to work let him work out any scuffs that might occur throughout the course of your day. Be careful not to let him give them an unnatural shine, but let him do his job. If the heels start to lean, but the rest of the shoe is fine, get the heels changed – it’s not expensive and it makes a huge difference. Lastly, when they’re gone they’re gone. Don’t be afraid to retire shoes.
4. Perfect Make-Up (Ladies)
I think it’s standard procedure for men to say that we like a woman who looks good without wearing make up. While this is true, it’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, we like a woman who looks good without make up, but we also like that same woman to know how to enhance her look with the right kind and amount of make up applied in the right places. A good contrasting eye shadow here to bring out your eye color, and a good blush or tinted moisturizer there to remind us how strong and defined your cheek bones are goes a long way. The man you want notices these things. We also notice when you go full L-Boogie on us with the extra-colorful, caked on clown make up. Sure, those ladies in the MAC store look really hot when we’re walking through the mall and see them from afar. But up close, they look like “IT”, and that’s just scary. (shout out to the Stephen King fans)
3. Ability to Wear a Suit. (Fellas)
It’s amazing to me how many men have no idea how to wear their suit. Like with shoes, the first step to wearing your suit is choosing your suit. Again, could do a whole post on this but, here are some key points:
I. Unless you’re being drafted into a professional sports league, your suit should never, ever have more than 3 buttons. If you have a suit with more than three buttons, no matter how good you think it looks on you, go throw it away.
II. Different suits for different occasions. Having one or two suits for every occasion is for teenagers, but many men don’t realize this. A good way to separate yourself from the rest of the pack is to have suits for different occasions. Stick with more traditionally cut and fit suits for work, and be a little more adventurous with your suits for going out.
III. No matter how good you think your suit fits off the rack, have it tailored. At the very least, let the tailor hem the pants and shorten the sleeves. It makes a huge difference, trust me. If you’ve bought a decent suit, you’ve probably spent more than $500.00, another $40 to $60 to have it tailored isn’t going to kill you and many department stores will do some alterations for free if you don’t know a good tailor (though it’s worth the money if you do know a decent tailor.)
If you’re not the most fashion forward guy, but still want to look like you know what you’re doing, suits are your best friend. You should buy as many good suits as you can afford for all the different occasions you might be invited to. You’ll always look good, and if you’re worried about being overdressed you can always just not wear a tie. For women, a man in a great fitting suit is the next best thing to a man in uniform.
You ladies would be surprised at how many of y’all are just plain mean. Men have had to deal with mean women for most of our lives. Most of our mothers (bless their hearts) were our primary disciplinarians and we had mean teachers through all our years of schooling. Men are so conditioned to deal with some women’s inherent meanness that being nice is not even a requirement, it’s a bonus. Ladies, if you want to separate yourself from the rest of the pack, just be nice. If you’re getting the run around on the phone with some customer service representative in some far off land, and we’re sitting there listening, overcome them with niceness. If we’re at the restaurant and the waitress “thinks she’s cute” and doesn’t want to provide the type of service you’re accustomed to, don’t spend the whole evening pointing out her deficiencies to us, we noticed it too, we still want to have a good time, so instead just be extra nice. This is important to us because we realize that, if you and I are together for a long time, at some point, we’re going to fall out of your immediate favor. When that happens, we wanna know that you’ll still be nice to us too as we work through whatever issues we’re having.
1. Has a Plan and Knows How to Execute (Men)
Just as men are used to women being a little mean, women are used to men being terrible planners. If you want to show a woman that you’re different and a little better than all the rest of the dudes out there – that you care and are worth her investment, present her with a plan. Most women are riders, they are loyal and supportive and are team players. They will follow you through the gates of hell so long as you told them beforehand that y’all would be making a pit stop in hell on the way to wherever it is you’re ultimately going. This starts of course with your first date. The first time you take a woman out, have everything planned from beginning to end. Be on time – even if she’s not, know where your going, and what you’re doing. You don’t have to be anal or Nazi-ish about it, just make it clear that everything that’s happening is all part of your plan for the evening. This shows you care about the two of you having a good time while getting to know each other and she’ll appreciate you for it. Do it consistently and she’ll start to trust you … with everything.
So there you have it. Ladies, what are some things you think you can do that aren’t really important in the grand scheme of things, but are still added bonuses for the guy you’re with, and what are some of the unimportant things you look for in men? Fellas, what are the unimportant but kind of important things you look for in the women you deal with, and what are the things you do to try to separate yourself from the rest of these heathens out here.